I climbed up the stairs slowly.
As I entered the classroom, I feel as if eyes were scanning me.
I was holding a big fancy coloured box after all.
I laid the box beside my seat on the stools,
It occupied 2 seats, hidden temporarily under the tables.
I planned to give it to her during the class break.
I wasn't paying attention throughout the class though.
Every minute was like decades, I was restless, and nervous.
What should I say to her? Would she be angry if I give it to her amongst so many people? Would she reject the gift?
The long awaited break finally came, and when everybody was getting up to go downstairs,
My friends gave me a push, "Go." They said.
Taking up the box from the seats,
I felt like everybody was looking. (maybe they weren't)
My face was so hot, and my heart was racing.
Trying hard not to pay attention to the surroundings, I wished her,
and told her that this is her birthday present from me.
She looked somewhat surprised or shocked,
but she said thanks and accepted it awkwardly.
I was somewhat relieved, but my face was still very very hot.
She held the oversized box, struggling to find a place to put it.
(she looked very cute back then by the way)
The seats of her table were fully occupied. So she didn't have a place to put it after the break.
Awkwardly, I offered to take back the box to my seat and give it back to her when the class ends.
So she handed it back to me again. Swtness... Gahhhhh....
That was so embarrassing and weird.
Well, she took the box home after the class.
The teacher and some girls teased her, I hope she won't mind about that.
I feel sorry if I have caused her trouble that day.
She gave me a call that night.
It was the first time we had an conversation on the phone.
The mood was somewhat awkward.
She didn't say much.
She expressed her thanks,
I tried to talk more with her on the phone,
but she hung up when I tried to utter a word.
Maybe she didn't hear me?
Or maybe she's evading me.
I think its the latter.
Perhaps I should be happy that night,
but I couldn't stop thinking,
perhaps what I did was a bother to her.
And she's hinting that I should stop.
My mood was bitter that night.
I received an invitation to her birthday party the next day.
Feeling weird to go empty handed, I bought her another gift.
This one is cheap though since I was broke.
Its just a metal ruler, it was wrapped nicely though.
I saw her using a broken ruler stuck together with cellophane tape.
I thought perhaps she needed a new one.
And so,
We sang the birthday song,
ate the cakes,
took photos with the birthday girl,
and the party ended.
I didn't get to talk to her much,
mainly because I feel weird after what I did the other day,
and I'm afraid that I am a bother to her.
Soon, December came. And my birthday arrived.
I was asked out to have a celebration by my buddy,
it was the first time I went out with friends during my birthday.
When I met him, he said he prepared a surprise for me.
He actually successfully asked her out to celebrate my birthday with me.
He told me that she agreed to come if we had another girl with us,
She said it would be hard for her if she's going out with just 2 boys.
But that other girl my friend invited didn't show up. ( put aeroplane )
And now it seemed like we were liars.
As for me, I wasn't expecting my dream girl to show up during my birthday party.
I thought I will be spending the day with my all-boy buddies.
I wore shorts and slippers, totally unkempt and messy. Damn.
After some waiting, she arrived with her cousin.
(Her cousin isn't joining us, she came for other plans i think)
When I saw her,
I really wanted to hide myself.
She was prettier than usual.
Damn. Look at me.
Would she be angry now that it would be 2 boys and 1 girl?
My friend did the explaining, she said it was ok though,
she dragged her cousin to join us.
Her cousin seemed reluctant, but joined us in the end after much persuasion.
We sat down and discussed what to do for the day after that,
we decided to go to K-Box in the end,
It was my first time going to a Karaoke box.
She sat with her cousin at a corner,
the mood was weird again, she wasn't singing much and I was afraid that she's bored.
So I took the mike and sang loudly and crazily of love songs and such,
hoping to bring the mood up.
For your information, my singing sucks,
There wasn't much of a smile on her face,
and I was so hurt when I heard her cousin saying through the mike to her,
"Really bored leh...."
I couldn't help but think,
"Perhaps she's just doing this to repay a debt and I shouldn't get my hopes high."
Around 5pm, my curfew came, and I gotta go.
With a heavy and broken heart. I left the K-room.
I hope she would enjoy herself with me gone.
I know she wasn't enjoying herself throughout the party.
When I got home, they called my phone and sang me a birthday song,
amongst the chorus, I could hear her voice vividly,
She wished me happy birthday. And they asked me to say something back through the phone. I didn't said much back and hung up.
My voice was muffled and my sight was blurry.
"Its all over I guess, your debt is clear and you won't have to force yourself to do all these anymore."
I couldn't say I was happy that day.
I felt that everything was just a fleeting illusion.
Now that we don't owe each other anything anymore,
I wish you happiness and not to force yourself to do what you don't want to do.
She also gave me a gift that day.
Its a blue glassware of 3 dolphins.
Perhaps it means dolphin papa. dolphin mama and dolphin junior?
Damn I'm thinking too much.
That was the last time we went out.
We didn't contact much since then.
Occasionally I do receive one or two messages from her.
I wonder if she have a boyfriend now.
Nothing can be done,
it is destined that we can only be friends.
I guess I was a fool trying to reach the sun.
In the end, my wings got burned and I fell back down.
Once again, to the dark pits of loneliness.
Thanks for reading...
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