IX. I Got A Feeling, That Tonight's Gonna Be A Lonely Night

Time flies to around October...
With our graduation night approaching, we were busy practicing for our performance.
Thanks to the director, I got a chance to be in a duet with her.
I'm a happy man inside, but I really get unnatural or nervous with her beside me.
Well, maybe she's frustrated somehow.
But I recall a happy memory back then. She grabbed my arm and said,
"Come! Look in front, don't be shy la."
>_< wheeee....

My friends keep on asking me to hold her hand in the performance,
I know its a good idea for the show, and I would be the biggest idiot in the world waste this chance, but I really couldn't do it.
My palms are always sweaty... Damn, I really don't think holding hands with her will be a good idea. Sighs. (To the director, I hope now u understand why I keep on refusing to do so.)

Perhaps I was a fool to be happy over these trivial things,
"ITS JUST AN ACT, ITS JUST A PERFORMANCE, THOSE FEELINGS ARE NOT REAL!"
says the inner me.
Yeah, perhaps its true.
Because in my memories, those days I spent with her were now nothing but a fleeting dream. Perhaps a dream that I will never want to wake up from.

We practiced hard and finally the day of the show came.
She was one of the emcee for the graduation night.
(And she was so so so pretty >.<)
Our show went quite well although she made some small mistakes,
our performance managed to win the third place.

But she was busy that night.
I don't think she noticed me after the performance at all.
She was taking photos non-stop, one person after another.
I didn't have a chance to have a photo with her. Totally ignored.
I ordered some roses to be delivered to her that night.
But she never received it. I wonder why.

Seeing couples lovey-dovey taking photos and cuddling each other,
my emo-ness raised to the max.
I went home early that night, couldn't bear to stay any longer.
I felt like I don't belong, as if everyone were high class after putting on make up and dressed up that night,
I felt like someone like me do not belong among these cool people and so I was ignored.

That was my first time attending such an event, and I think it would be my last too.

The next day, after I woke up, I checked last night's photos at facebook.

view on facebook here

Staring at this photo. I heard something cracking somewhere near my chest.
I tried to ignore it, and I read the comments below,
every comment was like a knife stabbing into my heart.
Even my close friends, those that once told me to be brave, those that once cheered me on,
they were now in the "like this photo" list,
they were now congratulating him,
they were now celebrating this newborn couple.
After getting my heart minced over and over,
I pulled out the plug of my computer and went back to my room,
locking the door behind me as I enter.

Sorrow, betrayal, loneliness. That's all I have in my mind.

And you won't want to know what I was doing on my bed.

VI. L6B2

About six long months passed. And it was time for me to be a form 6 students myself. Thinking about how someone promised that we would attend form 6 together as couples, I couldn't help but feel bitter now that I am attending it alone.

Form 6, first time having girls as my classmates, is it a chance for me to get a true love? Or is it another chance to risk breaking my heart again? I did not know.

During the newcomers orientation, we were sorted into groups. And that was when I first met this girl, N.

I did not have much "reaction" about her back then. After all, we just met, just like two strangers among the crowd. And I was still a hurt bird, dare not to return to the skies.

Perhaps it was fate or luck? We ended in the same class, L6B2. And where did she sit? Right in front on me. So I had been looking at her back for days and weeks. Catching the mild fragrance of her long straight hair when she turns her head. Blushing when she turns her head back and barely able to talk to her. And who knows since when, my feelings gradually built up. Damn, did I fell in love again?